21st November 2016 is a day that I will never forget. Three weeks previously John had been diagnosed with prostate cancer, and in the weeks that followed various tests and scans were carried out in order to determine a treatment plan. While waiting to be called in for our appointment I remember reading an email from a colleague who sent through a link for a job at West Suffolk Council (which I subsequently applied for and got). When we now go for check-ups in the McMillan unit I always avoid sitting in that same seat. We were called through and introduced to the consultant and nurse – we were our usual upbeat selves. Very quickly the consultant informed us that she was sorry to say that the cancer was stage four and had spread to the lymph nodes and hip. There were no treatment options, and she suspected that we would like to know how long John had to live. We looked at each other in complete shock and didn’t have time to reply before she told us ‘four to five years’. I remember the consultant’s fringe being slightly too long and she had to keep pushing it out of her eyes. We were then ushered into a family room and left on our own to digest what we had just been told. We waited for blood tests to be carried out and sat in silence in the canteen with a coffee. I remember wondering if people were watching us and if it was evident that we had just been given devastating life-changing news. I remember feeling physically sick, and in complete disbelief that this was happening to us. We were given various information leaflets (completely miss-timed ‘Prostate cancer and your sex life’) in a black plastic wallet (black seemed a very cruel colour). I burned the leaflets and black plastic wallet.
In the days that passed we were numb and truly terrified of what the future held. There were days that we would lay on the bed (having not slept at night) and both sobbed uncontrollably for hours. For two weeks I could not speak to anyone, so it fell to John to inform people of our ‘news’. I could only communicate with friends and family via text and email. I struggled to piece together an application (for the West Suffolk job), and have no idea how I managed to string two comprehensible words together at the interview. John and I had both been signed off work for a month (GPs were brilliant and realised that we were incapable of working). We bumbled along and occasionally escaped to Waitrose, but I dreaded meeting anyone that we knew for fear of breaking down in public when asked how we were. I remember getting so annoyed seeing older couples arguing and speaking horribly to each other, and wanted to tell them how lucky they were to grow old together. Christmas came and our normal routine seemed….normal. We accepted that we had to work through those few weeks of utter desperation to come to terms with the situation. John commented that we couldn’t go on being miserable. It is all too easy to worry about tomorrow and in doing so waste today. Our daily routine involved responding to messages and emails from lovely friends and relatives, and we realised that when we returned to work in the New Year, time would not permit us to invest as much time in keeping people up-to-date, so on New Year’s Eve 2016 we started this blog in order to keep you all abreast with what was going on.
As you know, John underwent chemo (he was so excited to be offered this – that can’t be normal!), I changed jobs, John’s mum died, and he lost his job. All in 2017. Those events have helped us to re-evaluate life and our mantra is now to live life to the full and put nothing off. Then comes along sodding coronavirus which has rather hampered our plans! Scheduled holidays for this year have understandably been cancelled, and we are left feeling a little cheated having everything put on hold when we really want to be out there making the most of every minute and opportunity. When the government relaxed the travel corridor to Madeira we seized the moment and booked a week in October. The usual excitement and anticipation of looking forward to a holiday was somewhat subdued in case we were cancelled at the last moment. Unusually for me I became quite anxious about travelling after seeing a report of English students being stranded in Italy after testing positive for COVID. When arriving in Madeira all tourists are tested at the airport if you don’t arrive with a negative test result. In order to reassure me we took the decision to get tested before we went, but my result was delayed (John’s was negative). So I was tested at the airport, and just as we arrived at the hotel I received a text message from NHS to say that my UK result was positive! This really threw us into a tail-spin and I was in a panic thinking of all the people on the plane and at the airport that I had come into contact with (even though I was symptom-free). We were confined to our room for two days and reassuringly kept in regular contact with Madeiran officials regarding advice and test results. The first result was negative, followed by a second negative test so we were free to enjoy the rest of our holiday. Which we did. Unlike my contacts at home who had to self-isolate for 14 days, as we did when we returned to the UK. As an update to this I have now had an antibody test which was negative, so I did NOT have COVID. Apparently there is a 0.7% chance of receiving a false positive test result, and it was my lucky day. The experience did add a little excitement to what has been a bit of a ground hog summer. Bring on the vaccine and let us get out and about again. We have booked to go to the Maldives in April (150 days – not that we’re counting), and are thinking very positively that we will be clear to go.
John had a slight medical hiccup recently and has undergone various blood tests and is awaiting results. The PSA has gone up slightly but we remain positive that things are under control, and we have excellent medical support and care.
So today, on 21st November 2020, I look back on what has gone on in the last 4 years and what we have achieved. Four years ago we had a choice to go one of two ways – feel incredibly sorry for ourselves and wallow in our sadness. We chose to go a different route, and enjoy our time together. As odd as it sounds it’s actually quite a privilege to be given that opportunity. Here’s to many more years of excitement, travel and fun for Team Betham.
