Well, this is a different blog as it’s not about me this time. This time it is all about my mum, Mrs Sheila Anne Betham or ‘Ma’ as she is to me.

Unfortunately Ma has not been well recently. She has had quite a long history of operations, the most recent was to have a replacement heart valve. In the past she has had a new knee, new hip and she had a major operation removing bowel cancer several years ago. Since her heart op, she has not really been right and has suffered from dizziness. This has led to her losing her appetite and becoming quite frail. Just over a week ago her GP saw her and decided she needed to go into hospital to have further investigations to find out what was causing her dizzy head. She was taken to Ashford hospital and spent eight hours in A & E before being admitted. Thank you to her God daughter, Mary Murdoch for being with her the whole time.

I travelled down and spent the day with her on Wednesday on the ward. I was quite worried to see how weak she had become in comparison to the week before. Ma was sent for a ct scan on the Thursday morning and then transferred back to Canterbury hospital in the afternoon, which we were happy about as her friends could visit her more easily here.

On Friday afternoon we were told by the doctor that the scan had shown a small tumour in her abdomen. Even now we thought that will be no problem, she will just need another operation to deal with it like she did last time.

Bim and I came down again on Saturday to see her. We picked fresh strawberries from the garden and brought a pot of sugar to tempt her with, knowing that this one her favourite things to eat. We were very shocked to see how much she had deteriorated since seeing her three days ago. She could not face anything to eat, not even the strawberries. Since then it has been a bit of a blur, but the consultant decided that this was not going to be curable and that actually it was secondary cancer in her liver.

Our first thought was that we should get Ma home to look after her there, as the ward in the hospital was busy and noisy. We did not feel she was receiving the care she deserved or needed. It all felt very impersonal. This would have been better than staying in the hospital, but luckily one of the nurses suggested moving Ma to the local Pilgrims Hospice in Canterbury. The was arranged and she was transferred here on Tuesday at midday.

Our first impression of the hospice was so positive. Ma was settled in a lovely ward, it is so peaceful and the staff here are really accommodating. One of the first things that happened was the nurse brought a jug of water and a glass. The water had ice in. This might be a minor thing, but it was a sign of the attention to detail paid to every aspect of the care here.

Ma’s bed was wheeled down to the conservatory garden room for the afternoon and with the patio doors wide open she could feel the breeze and hear the birds outside. She was able to open her eyes just briefly to be able to see the garden. I have added a few photos of the view. There are plenty of sofas and comfy chairs for all of her visitors to sit and chat and we think this must be comforting for her to be able to hear familiar voices around her.

The medical staff here have been very caring for Ma. They have made sure she is comfortable and given her a flowery nightie to wear, rather than the hospital gown that she was given before. She is now on a continual morphine dose which is relieving any pain she may have. We have been told that she does not have very long left to live but we are sure that she is in the best place.

Ma has had plenty of visitors, Jamie arrived back from New York this morning. Having flown overnight he has had no sleep yet today. William and Emmanuelle are on their way from Hawaii as I write this. They are due to arrive tomorrow.

We had a very moving moment this afternoon. We are again in the garden room and the Curate from Ma’s local church arrived and said prayers for her and anointed her with holy oil. We all stood around her bed as he prayed. I do not have a religious bone in my body, but I found this a really emotional time and I know Ma will be happy that he came to pray for her. So thank you Steve for what you did.

None of us really know what to do at the moment as we are just waiting for her time to end, and we don’t know how long that will be. We just try to carry on as normally as possible.

I have added a list of those that have been to see Ma so far.

Visitors

Mary Murdoch, Alison Fenn, Tony Fenn, Lucy Fenn, John Betham, Bim Betham, Dan Betham, Ellie Betham, Jamie Betham, Luke Betham, Jane Canning, Carol Friday, Adrian Betham, Alison Howard, Steve the Curate, Eileen Booker, Barney the Vicar, Jim Stitchbury, Kirsten.