PSA Envy
I can finally admit that until today I have been suffering from psa envy! This is not a term that the vast majority of the population will have heard of, let alone suffered from.
Since being diagnosed with prostate cancer last year I have been very focused on my psa level. This stands for prostate specific antigen and is how the activity of the cancer is measured. I have had a blood test every three weeks since January and through the combined action of the hormone implants, chemotherapy and metformin the psa has been gradually reducing. It started at 28 and at my previous appointment it had reached 1.1. While I have clearly been happy that it has been going in the right direction I have to say that I was disappointed that it had not gone under 1. I have also been a little disconcerted and actually envious of other patients whose levels have dropped from as high as 80 down to 0.1 in a much shorter period.
Finally at today’s hospital appointment we were told that my psa is now 0.49. It shows how obsessed I have become over this figure that I was so excited that I am now in the ‘under one’ club! I think I was particularly pleased as I had been worried that it would go up since finishing chemo a few weeks ago. Naturally we did have couple of glasses of wine to celebrate.
Post Chemotherapy
Having finished my chemotherapy treatment in May I am delighted to say that I am feeling really well. I still have a few physical side effects – fat face, hair loss, damaged finger nails etc, but my energy levels are improving every week and I am starting to lose a little weight (slowly) which I feel good about. The fatigue and the change in taste have largely gone which is a big relief.
To show that I am beginning to get back to normal, last week I finally had a log splitting session with the holly that we collected in January. Some of you will know that this is a regular weekend task for me getting the wood ready for our boiler which we use in the winter. This is the first time in six months that I have felt well enough to do this. While I was not able to do a lot to start with, it felt great to be doing some physical work again. There is plenty still in the log pile so I will be busy for some time I think.
Effects of cancer on the mind
This is quite a difficult topic to write about as it is quite personal, but I am going to give it a shot!
At the time I was diagnosed we were both absolutely devastated and spent a whole month in shock. It is really difficult to remember what we did during those first few weeks. I know I did some quite bizarre things, which looking back are quite funny. I had the urge to keep buying things online, mainly from Amazon. We ended up with some sort of delivery most days, including a new cordless strimmer and a Dyson fan along with numerous new tools for the garage.
When we were told that I would start chemotherapy in January it gave us something positive to focus on and while it has some pretty unpleasant side effects I think this was the start of the mind starting on the recovery process. I would definitely say that my mind has repaired quicker than my body, although I still have occasional odd ‘moments’. At a recent blood test, the nurse was making small talk and said “Are you on your way to work after this?” to which I told her I was. She then said “Where do you work?” I had absolutely no idea! I fumbled around for quite some, I was able to tell her that I am a catering manager. It suddenly came back to me and I almost shouted out “Framlingham College”. She looked a bit startled and then stuck the needle in my arm!
The unpleasant reality of the disease is that I know that I will not be around for as long as I had planned for. This knowledge takes some time to adjust to, however, having made the decision to try and maintain a positive approach I find that I am now enjoying normal everyday experiences far more than I used to. It is like I am noticing things that I used to take for granted. It might sound a bit corny, but this includes things like hearing bird song in the garden, seeing local wildlife (even rabbits) and rediscovering some of my favourite old music which I listen to on the way to work.
Having had the good results at my last hospital appointment I am now feeling even more positive about things and hope to carry on enjoying life to the full.
