Our Story

It really must be time for another blog update. Looking back, I realise that our last post was in December last year. So we have nine months of news to tell you about. Sadly, with the Coronavirus pandemic we do not have the usual holiday travels to tell you about, other than one trip we made to Madeira in January to celebrate my birthday.

We might as well start with the one holiday we did manage to take, although it does seem a long time ago now. We visited Madeira for the first time this year, staying at a stunning hotel called Estalagem in Ponta Do Sol. The hotel is perched on top of a cliff by the sea, so we had stunning views of the village below us and the Atlantic Ocean. We were really taken with the island and the amazing scenery it holds. January is one of the cooler months, but we were still able to enjoy some fabulous weather and we had several meals outside in the sunshine. I have included a few photos below.

Along with so many other people, we had our holiday plans for this year cancelled. We were due to return to Amari Havodda in the Maldives in April. The island is still closed, but we hope we will be able to go early next year. We just have to wait and see what happens with the pandemic.

It is now nearly four years since I was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer. This is quite a milestone, as we were told at the time that my prognosis was a four to five year life expectancy. As you can imagine, that was absolutely devastating news and we were in shock for a long time. I would like to share with you some of our thoughts and feelings we had at the time. As a contrast I would then like to run through some of our experiences since that time. We have joined the ever growing and unwelcome Big C Club, and since being diagnosed several friends have started to go through the same experience. When you receive your diagnosis and are told that you can’t be cured, not surprisingly everything looks completely bleak. It was always our hope that by writing this blog, it might help others, going through similarly difficult times to try to see the future in a more positive way.

To be honest, the time around when I was diagnosed is all a bit of a blur now. I think my mind has buried some of the most traumatic memories. I just remember feeling so overwhelmingly sad. I realised I was going to miss out on so much of our family’s future. To be told that you won’t be there for your loved ones is the most difficult thing to come to terms with. It is still very painful to think about that time, but there are a couple of random thoughts I do remember from the early days after I was diagnosed, which I would like to share with you.

I have always enjoyed servicing our cars, with regular oil changes every six months. Bim’s car was due for some attention and I remember thinking while I was draining the oil in the garage that this was probably the last time I would be doing this. 

The other strange thought I remember is that I felt there was no point in buying any new shirts now that I had prostate cancer. Those of you who know me well will realise that I have never really been into buying new clothes anyway, so why this thought came to me I have no idea. 

I know Bim has several memories like this. One of hers was that she was going to miss ironing my shirts. These few memories are from our lowest point, and just show we felt that there was nothing to look forward to in life any more. As you can imagine it was difficult trying to put a brave face on when we spoke to, or met with friends.

I am pretty sure that most people going through this sort of situation themselves will have similar, unhappy, and slightly bizarre memories. 

And now for something completely different!

Apologies if that was all rather depressing, but I wanted to try and show you how low we were at that time and, in contrast, just how much there can be to look forward to.  With that in mind I would like to list a few of our high points in the last four years.

Early retirement. After going through a difficult time at work, I decided to take early retirement. We did worry about money, but it is an absolute joy not to have to go to work on a full time basis any more. I now cook every now and then at a small care home on a casual basis which suits me perfectly. I know I’ve said it before, but if you ever have the opportunity to work less, just take it! Bim has cut down to four days a week, which we love as it gives us more time to do the things we enjoy together. This week we took a ten mile walk around the local villages, discovering places we didn’t know existed. We regularly meet up with friends or go for a meal on Bim’s extra day off.

Holidays! If you have kept up with this blog, you will know it has somewhat turned into a travel diary. We never really travelled much before, largely because work would so often get in the way. Since we received my diagnosis we have changed that in a dramatic way. Forgive me if I add a few photos into this section.

So far we have had three holidays in the Maldives, which was where we went for our honeymoon thirty years ago. Our favourite island has been Amari Havodda, which we planned to go to again this year. Coronavirus changed that plan! Hopefully next year, fingers crossed.

We visited Dubai for a week to stay with good friends, Linda and Benny. The desert was spectacular, as were the huge buildings and shopping Malls. We had a great time and enjoyed some fantastic meals together.

We also visited my two brothers and their families in Hawaii on Maui for a two week trip. It was a long way to go, but it was such an amazing place. We thoroughly recommend going if you get the chance. We completed our PADI Open Water diving certificate with Maui Dreams Dive Co while we were there, which we felt was quite an achievement. Unfortunately we haven’t been able to practice our new skills yet. We hope to dive again on our next trip to the Maldives.

We had a week in Madeira earlier this year, which I have already mentioned. We enjoyed it so much that we are booked to stay at the same hotel for a week next month. So far it looks like we should be able to go. We keep a keen eye on the government guidance on foreign travel and we know how quickly things can change, so we will just have to keep our fingers crossed and hope for the best. 

As well as our overseas expeditions we have also enjoyed several breaks in the UK. We had a memorable week staying on the west coast of Scotland with close friends, Maurice and Gary. The scenery was absolutely spectacular. As was the fresh seafood, the wines and the gin!

On top of these, we have also visited the Cotswolds, Peak District, Somerset and Wales for yet more enjoyable mini breaks.

Hopefully I haven’t bored you too much, but I am just pointing out that we probably would not have taken any of these holidays if we were both working the long hours that we used to. In a very real way, we have only enjoyed all these holidays as a direct result of my cancer diagnosis.

I won’t go on for much longer. I just want to come back to the negative thoughts we both had four years ago. I am still servicing Bim’s car on a regular basis, although we replaced mine with a new one, so that now goes back to the dealer for servicing. As for my shirt situation, I can honestly say that I cannot remember having so many new clothes in my wardrobe!

That’s nearly it for now, other than another brief word about my health. While we are not able to predict how much longer I may have, my treatment is going very well. My PSA is still really low, and I am still on the first treatment plan. This is a hormone implant every three months and a cancer drug trial for Metformin.  When you are first diagnosed and start your treatment, which for me was chemotherapy, this can actually make you feel really ill. At the time I did not realise that this would wear off and I am constantly amazed at how well I now feel.

To conclude, I certainly intend to live longer than the four to five years we were initially told. We do not know how long this will be, but you can be absolutely sure we are going to enjoy every last moment!

I would like to dedicate this blog to all those who are going through the same difficult experience.

Just a few years ago our Christmas update letters would be very much work-focused; the year falling into a familiar pattern with long hours and seasonal busy periods, punctuated with odd days off to recover and catch-up with chores. It seems unimaginable to say that there has been a positive side to John’s diagnosis, but it has made us completely re-evaluate our life and priorities, and we now fully embrace the old cliché of ‘live life to the full’. Being given a 4-5 year prognosis certainly makes you realise that there is no time to lose, and definitely no time to waste being miserable or negative. John continues to feel well, and is monitored at 3-monthly oncologist check-ups. The PSA level (an indicator of prostate cancer spread) has begun to gradually creep up, but this is to be expected. 

There are other treatments that can be introduced as and when needed, and there continue to be positive outcomes with clinical trials which are yet to be introduced as standard treatments. We do get anxious just before each oncologist appointment and have found that the best way to deal with this is to treat ourselves to a holiday!

In April we had the most amazing trip to a very remote Maldivian island called Amari Havodda. The island is located almost on the equator, and is accessed by an hours internal flight (following a 12 hour flight from the UK), then a 15 minute speedboat transfer. The long haul to get there is so worth it—the island is pristine and peaceful with impeccable service, food and facilities.

We really enjoy snorkeling in the Maldives, and had toyed with the idea of learning to dive, so in the summer we signed up to do our PADI open water diving qualification. We completed quite a hefty home study theory course, and 2 days of confined water instruction in Ipswich. In October we travelled to Maui, Hawaii to complete 2 days of open water training (strangely this was more appealing that doing this part of the training in a flooded quarry in Leicestershire as suggested by the dive center). The training (especially the theory) was quite hard going, but as soon as we jumped off the boat at the Molokini Crater and saw the crystal-clear water many metres below us, it was all worth while. We dived to nearly 19 meters and loved the experience.

We were genuinely pleased with ourselves when we qualified, and now can’t wait to explore more beautiful underwater locations. Our Maui holiday was spent with John’s brother Bill, and wife Emmanuelle. We had a fantastic time and loved meeting up with Jamie and Juliette (John’s younger brother and wife), and extended family, and getting out and about to explore the island that we have heard so much about over the years. We hadn’t appreciated how diverse the landscape is—beaches, rainforests, jungles, volcanoes and old sugar cane plantations. So much to do and experience.

In May we spent a week with our good friends Maurice and Gary in a
beautiful cottage in a very remote location on the Applecross Peninsular
on the West Coast of Scotland. The area was truly stunning—vast,
unspoiled and breathtaking. We experienced some fabulous sunsets from
the cottage, looking out across the bay.

During the year we have also had short breaks to The Cotswolds, Somerset, Cardiff, Shropshire and Oxfordshire. 

Work: John is doing bits and bobs for 3 local companies. Me: I have now reduced my hours and work 4 days a week. Do you get the message that priorities have changed?

We continue to update the blog every few months: johnandbim.thebethams.com to recap on events and keep people up to date. Dip in during the year if you’d like an update.

So, in summary: it’s been a jolly good year for us. On the cards so far for 2020: Madeira in January for John’s birthday, and The Maldives in April… just because…..it’s amazing and there are fish that need to be looked at! 

Live life to the full, lovely people!!

With love and best wishes to you at Christmas, and for a happy and healthy 2020.
Bim & John

Following on from our last blog I thought it was time to post another short update.

We actually have no real health news to give you at this stage. Our next appointment  and blood test are not due until January, so for the time being we can carry on our life as normally as possible. 

I did have a minor scare a few weeks ago, which started with a new pain on my right side in my ribs. Prostate cancer spreads to the bones as the disease progresses, so I was naturally concerned that this was a sign of the current treatment failing.  The cancer is already in my left hip, but gives me no trouble at this stage. This new pain appeared just over a week before we were due to fly to Maui, so we decided it would be best to check with our GP to make sure it was still safe to travel. I received an examination from a newly qualified doctor. I was impressed with her very thorough and caring approach and pleased that she went to ask a senior GP for a second opinion. The resulting diagnosis was that I had Shingles, which while painful, was understandably  quite a relief. I was put on a short course of anti-viral medication which cleared it up in a week. So, we were all set for our holiday to Hawaii.

So, you guessed it, the rest of this post is another travel blog! 

To start with, I will explain the title. ‘Maui Bethams’, refers to both my brothers, Bill and Jamie who have lived on Maui with their families for many years. This was our first visit and was actually long overdue. Before my diagnosis, we had always found it difficult with our full time jobs to find enough holiday time to get away. We have certainly put that right since I have taken early retirement. We were delighted to stay with Bill and Emmanuelle in their beautiful home near Paia, which is where they have their Maui restaurant, Cafe Des Amis.

The first thing to say is that Maui is a long way away!  Over 7,300 miles. We flew with West Jet via Vancouver, which was cheap, but very basic. It did take us a few days to recover from the flights, especially on the way home.

We had a fantastic time in Maui and visited some amazing places. Apart from the scuba diving which I will tell you about later, one of the most impressive sights was driving to the top of Haleakala volcano. The view from the top was completely breathtaking, although at over 10,000 feet  that may have been down to the thinning air! It was incredible being above the clouds. We could see the Big Island 100 miles away clearly. As a comparison, the highest mountain in the UK is Ben Nevis which is less than half the height at 4,400 feet.

We hired an open top Jeep for a drive around the island, which starts with the road to Hana. This was a truly scenic drive which takes you through a wide range of environments, including a stunning coast road, waterfalls, even jungle where it seems to rain all the time. We stopped at Aunty Sandy’s Banana Bread shack, which is world famous for a reason. Delicious. After Hana, the road starts to deteriorate and in some parts was no more than just a dirt track. It was great fun in the Jeep, which handled all the different terrain with no problem.

It was so good to catch up with family and to meet my new sister in law for the first time. Jamie married Juliette earlier this year. Welcome to the family, Juliette. I have included a few photos below from some happy family gatherings. 

We mentioned in our last blog that we had started our open water scuba diving training, and we were very excited to have booked the final part of the course at the Maui Dreams Dive Shop. We had two days completing our training. The first included two shore dives from Ulua beach which were fun. We had to demonstrate that we could complete various safety tasks, such as removing and replacing your mask underwater. 

The second day was diving from a boat at Molokini Crater and Stone Wall. The moment we stepped off the dive platform with a ‘giant stride’ we were in a different world. The water was crystal clear, and it made all the training up to that point worth it. We dived to 19 metres and spent about an hour exploring the floor of the ancient volcano. This part was over all too quickly and we can’t wait to book some more dives next year. We were very lucky to have such an enthusiastic dive instructor, Kelly Coppock. She was really patient with us and obviously loves the job she does.

After we had finished our training dives and were back in the shop completing our paperwork, I tried to explain to Kelly something of the ‘journey’ we have been on. Three years ago, when we received my diagnosis, we both believed that my life was pretty much over. They were very bleak times and we struggled to see how there could ever be good times again. The contrast between then and how we feel now couldn’t be greater. I know we both feel that we have achieved something special, learning to dive, and we are now looking forward to practicing our new hobby. It probably means we will have to book more holidays! I wonder where we should go next?

If anyone reading this has the chance to visit Maui in the future, we thoroughly recommend paying Maui Dreams a call and booking some diving with them. It will be an ‘awesome experience’.

Here we are again, with another Betham blog update. As you know, we started this publication with the intention of letting you know about my health and ongoing treatment for Prostate cancer. However, I do realise that this is now turning in to more of holiday travel blog. There is actually a good reason for this, which is that my health has remained pretty stable for quite some time now, so if all we talked about was my treatment, they would be very short updates.

We had our oncology appointment with the consultant this morning, which is the first time we have seen her in six months. The last time we met, she said that I will probably go onto an additional hormone treatment soon, depending on what level the PSA reaches and how quickly it is rising. Well, we discussed the results from the blood test today and, while the PSA has drifted up slightly to 4.02, all other results including for bone, liver and kidney function are completely normal. This was excellent news and so I will remain on the current treatment plan for the time being.  We are both very pleased with this as I am likely to be more fatigued when the next drug, Enzalutamide is introduced.

It was interesting to talk to the consultant about what to expect when we move on to the next stage of treatment. The introduction of a new hormone medication will hopefully bring the PSA down, and extend the time that I am feeling well, however it may just halt the growth of the cancer. Unfortunately there is also the possibility that it may not be effective at all, in which case I would need to try something a bit more powerful, but this would have stronger side effects which I would like to avoid for as long as possible. She did explain that all these treatments only have a limited time that they remain effective, so it’s best not to use them until absolutely necessary.

We both feel relieved about today’s results, as it gives us reassurance that we can continue enjoying our lives and making the most of every opportunity that presents itself to us, while I am still feeling well. You have probably guessed from the photo at the top of the page, that our latest project is learning to Scuba dive. We have signed up with Diveline in Ipswich to take our PADI Open Water Diver certificate. So far we have had a trial dive in the training pool which was great fun and we have now just about completed our theory, which consists of a 250 page training manual including several tests. This will be followed by four confined training dives in Ipswich. The final stage to gain our certificates is to complete four more dives, this time in open water. The instructors offered us the opportunity to make these dives in a flooded quarry pit in Leicestershire. Alternatively we can finish the open water training in Hawaii, when we visit in October. Mmm, difficult choice! We will let you know how it goes.

And now the bit where I let you know what we have been up to since our last update. You may be surprised, that we have not been away on holiday, but we have had a few trips and outings which we have enjoyed. I won’t bore you with all the details, but a few of the highlights have been going to see Ed Sheeran in Ipswich Chantry Park. This was at the end of his record breaking world tour, and you could tell he was genuinely happy to be home. This was a great evening.

We also had a great family trip to see Ellie and Connor in Somerset over the August bank holiday weekend. Jeannette, Keith and Dan joined us and we had a lovely time on the farm where they are living. It was our 29^th wedding anniversary and Bim’s mum and dad’s 57^th. We took the opportunity to recreate a few wedding photos.

I think that’s all we have for the moment. We will let you have another bulletin when we have more news. Thanks for reading.